To the greybeard thesis committee member behaving badly at the defense:
Hey fella- I took an hour off from writing my grant, the day before the grant was DUE, to come down here with the intention to listen to this Ph.D. candidate give a lovely seminar about the work she has devoted the last six years of her life to. It would have been nice to be able to actually hear her speak- instead of hearing you just generally being an ass talking loudly to your neighbor, and shuffling your papers- which actually looked like her thesis that you probably hadn’t read- and open and close your pen, cough sniffle, whisper and whatever else you were doing back there. !?! She is a great student- and probably the one student who I have seen here working her ass off every weekend for the last two years. Not that you would have noticed since it didn’t seem like you actually read her thesis BEFORE the defense… I noticed that you were hotly interested in the text during the defense though.
But hey- actually, I don’t care that much that you were completely rude to other members of the audience who couldn’t hear the presentation over your shenanigans in the back row. I’m mostly peeved that you disrupted this hardworking student’s 50 minutes of glory with your atrocious behaviour.
Next time buddy- and I don’t give a rat’s ass if you are full professor- SHUT UP and listen. You might learn something.